It's All About Me!

Before i Go Go

2007-01-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

Well it's nearly my bday and i am about to go on this beach trip with my mates.

Before i go i have to mention a few things -

1) I didn't realise how many people i know are now reading this Blog so i might have to start up a new one (and not tell anyone it really is scary when your mates ask you about some of the blog entries) ;)
2) I have a guy that is keen on me (and me on him a little) so i guess what i am saying is i've meet someone but i am keeping it low key and i have to much on my plate to be thinking of getting a new BF LOL (yeah like i am whacking them all away with a broom hehe)
3) Got into my Music Industry course which is pretty sweet for me cause it's what i want to do.

So until i get back BYEEEE

Radiohead Thinkin, Twilight Dreaming

2007-01-12T09:59:00.000-08:00

So what to report?

- Well i got a new Laptop last week and loving it to death.
- I find out if i got into this Music Business Course next monday (www.myspace.com/puppetswhokill)
- Got Insanly mad tonight had to goto my best mates house to calm down.
- Listening to Radiohead at 5pm in the morning (I think Street Spirt is so my funeral song LOL)
- My Bday next week turning 28
-Got a Camping trip this week
- Was told i am looking great by so many people latly (the fuckin diet is paying off) until this fucker i know told me i look fat still but no worries i made a comment about how "No One can be perfect like you BALDY" ;)
- Ohh wait Karma Police is my Funeral song yep that the one
- A friend of mine got back with his EX.

"For a minute thier i lost myself, i lost myself for a minute i lost myself, i lost myself" that reminds me i got to do some Karooke

- My boss is cool about me getting off Graveyards to do this course so i still got a job.
- I am not bloody leaveing at 8.30pm to goto Sorento
- Broke
- Loving having my flatmates car for the last 2 weeks he ain't getting it back
- Sold my Gamecube and the new Zelda game, an era ends of me loving Nintendo
- MUSEEEEEEE is around the fuckin corner bring on the Speed and the mosh pitt
- Went on a Date with a cool guy
- Found out i don't have a sister like i thought
- Found out the family dirty secret cause i am "old enough" assholes
- Might change my false surname POLAK to something more cool like LLOYD (mates will get that one)
- Fell in love with the Lead Singer of Teenager (former Pnau) OMG he is sooo hot go see the album cover you will know what i mean.
- Went to St Jeromnes tonight what a bloody disappointment if i wanted to be cramped in hallways i would goto Club 80 and at least get some touch up action.
- I am not str8 so the girl that likes me PISS OF
- Rugby and AFL is comeing back time to dust off the Melbourne Storm Top
- 2 parking finds and i ain't paying them (well shit i have to it's not my car)

So their you go some shit thats happaning

YAY a NON SEXUAL BLOG ENTRY it can be done

Hmmm Romantic LOL How Pathetic?

2007-01-09T21:53:00.000-08:00

Something is bothering me latly.

Everytime i meet someone new i feel that i am afraid to be an old school romantic with them. Has the scene become so much about sex that guys like myself are afraid that if i show any sign that i like to courtship a guy they run? It makes me feel within myself that it's bad and it scares me to think nice thoughts like dinner dates or a nice walk down the beach with a guy is cosidered dull. In the scene, when meeting a guy 90% of them want to fuck first and sometimes judge you on that root if they want to go further. Take my new flatemate for example he is looking for a BF but he goes about it all wrong, by picking them up from a club, bonk them and then decides that the guy wasn't the one and repeat it again the next week. Thing is with that way of trying to find love you feel empty inside and when a guy actually ask's him out for a coffee date he thinks it's strange "gay guys don't do that" he would say. How did it become so easy to fuck a guy and yet be strange to meet up for coffee? I was thinking of all the cool things i would do with a guy if i was off the market and i feel that being gay is nothing like being straight it's all about the fuck (don't get me wrong i love sex as much as the next guy).

How sad that Gay Men seem to go through life like this.

Recently a good mate of mine told me about how his new BF and him recently had a shower together for the first time. He walked in while he was showering and just jumped in with him. FUCK yeah that to me is amazing and i thought how sweet i wonder if my flatemate would do that with one of his one nighters?

The Fine Art Of Not What To Do When You Like Someone

2007-01-06T11:52:00.000-08:00

Thing with me is i'm to nice and nice when it come to guys can be a little bit shit. Take for example last thursday night, i was pretty excitted that i was going to finally catch up with Matt (not using real names) who i been keen on catching up after our first encounter months ago. Matt is a cool guy he is pretty damn sexy/hot/cute (you get the picture) right up my ally when it comes to guys, in other words he is my type. Now knowing that i was going to catch up with him thursday i told myself that i was going to play this one a little diffrent, in that i mean i was going to play it cool and not be a chaser. In the past i have always been the chaser and have liked a few guys that i happily chased. Thing is i always end up figuring out that the guys i like never like me and it's a patern that seems to repeat all the fuckin time so this time with Matt i was going to play it slow and not come across to egar. While i was Dj'ing he came upto me and said hello and i am sure that would have takin some guts he told me that he had been here for a bit watching me and i was quite happy to know this. I was so pleased to finally see him again after months of chatting online and SMS that i got a little dumbfound and he too was a little on the awkard side and after a bit of a chat he went away to dance. Now this is where i realised that i like this guy it's not a stupid crush or he's cute might fuck him thing at all he has something about him that got my attention and i will be honest not many gay guys do that. After a while i was starting to wonder why he hadn't come back to talk to me and thought he was respecting the fact i was doing my job and didn't want to bother me (bother me, bother me LOL) and i couldn't wait to finish my set to go hang with him. After i had finished i noticed that he had gone (this isn't the first time he had done this) and i started to think "oh fuck he isn't into me and did a runner" and i started to pack my stuff and was pretty much ready to go home with my tail between my legs but after i sat in the car for 5 minutes something inside me thought NO i am going to ring this guy and get the story.
He answered but i couldn't hear nothing but really camp music, THE PEEL i thought right i'm going down there. I walked in and stood at the edge of the dance floor i could see him and thought i'll wait till he catches my eye and see what happens well he sore me all right and walked straight over and said hello again i wasn't mad at him i just wanted to hang and chat. After i got introduced to his cool flatemate, who i danced with most of the night i noticed that Matt was not really trying to dance with me he looked over a fair bit to see if i was watching and i was but this is where the stupid playing it cool thing came into effect, i like him but i somehow convinced myself that this guy isn't into me and thats how most of the night went until the early morning where i noticed he had red jocks on. I forgot i told him about my little fetish and was qutie pleased to know that he was wearing them "You're wearing red jocks" i said "Yes of coarse, i wore them for you" IT HIT ME LIKE A SHIT BRICK what the fuck was i doing here i am playing the oppisite of what i would do normally to the wrong guy, this guy wants to be chased, he wants me to make the first move, HE WANTS ME TO BE THE BUTCH GAY GUY THAT I AM LOL. Thing is i was still not 100% sure he was keen and even though he must think that all i want is to root the guy casue he is wearing red jocks he was wrong and after i asked him who in the club he had his eye on and he didn't say me (he asked me the same and i told him it was well HIM) might be time to go. He disappeared again and i had decided that maybe i am being silly and even though i was trying to be all hard to get i wanted him pretty bad but it was time to go the Red Bull had worn off and i was tired so i went to say goodbye to him. He looked a little disappointed but he was nice enough to walk me to the door and then asked what i was upto tommrow night in which i replied "depends on what you ask me to do?" i gave him a kiss on the cheek to say goodnight "Oh our first kiss i think we can do better than that" he said and we pashed. I was about to walk out the door after the 30sec pash and i got another little instinct, something told me not to stop at that and i decided i had to go back. I finally got the hint. He was talking to his flatemate and he looked like he just told him he kissed me (he looked a little excited... good sign) i grabbed him and told him he was one hard boy to read and thats when he said that it was me that was hard to read and we kissed a little bit longer this time. I left that night (alone) on a high even though i asked him to come back to my place for sex i was glad we didn't (he had some mates from his home town at the club) which brings me to my next point, i am a romantic and to me what i did that night was something along the lines of being romantic, yes i was playing hard to get and i thought he was as well but the end result was awesome we got thier in the end.

but....

Friday night had come along and i thought going to hang out with Matt was going to be cool i had wanted to do this for a few months and last night it was kind of hard to chat in a club enviroment so i jumped online and noticed he was on so we chatted about the night before. I realised something during this conversation that i was being to laid back and he actually said that when he first chatted to me that i gave off a hint that i wasn't interested. Was he kidding i was totally interested i was just being a stupid dickhead that should have just been himself from the start and now think i might have given the wrong impression (that i am just after a root etc). I asked him if he was still keen on catching up (fish and chips at the beach was the plain) but he told me honestly that he had been partying for 2 nights and it's caught up with him and he feels sick. Thursday i will be catching up with him (fingers crossed) he better bloody catch up with me LOL.

New Years Night 2006

2007-01-01T02:48:00.000-08:00

Well 2006 is over.

Last night was insane I had finished work at 10pm and my good mate Mike was waiting for me out the front for an hour (poor guy) a few of us had decided to meet at a dance club called The Public Office (Witness) which is a gay rave thing that a lot of Q and A people seem to go to when it’s on. I was pretty excited about tonight it’s the first time Mike and I had done a New Years together and also the first that Darren and his new Boyfriend Daniel would spend together. I made a decision I was going to have too much fun tonight and that included a pill and lots of beer (I ended up scoring a second pill later on). Ran into some old faces that I hadn’t seen or chatted to for ages including Liam a guy I bonked a while ago who all night was my pash buddy LOL it’s great we both have this understanding that it’s just fun and that we don’t like each other in that way. I had to laugh I tried to embarrass Darren with his new BF with stories of America but I think I just came across like some drugged fucked idiot hehehe. We all know that when a person is high as a kite, as I was that conversations with random people can be intense, take for example my chat with some lesbians and my bluntness in how the hell they have sex and what the fuck does Scissor Sistering do in creating pleasure? They loved me for my honesty and questions and as we all where off our faces they happily went along with it. Later on I ended up talking to Nick who is this guy that I will be involved with when I need someone to shoot a music clip for a future band I’ll manage and his mate Cam who looked a lot like Mike Skinner from the Streets by then it was daylight and this Cam guy was quite happy to take advantage of me as I was of him but I was starting to feel sick and taking anyone home at that stage was a big no no.

My mate Richard rocked up which was great but he sore me at my highest point of Ecstasy so my conversation with him was limited and he didn’t stay long. Darren left early (I new he would) and Mike left a little after that so I was pretty much alone in regards to close mates for a few hours. When morning finally broke and I think it was like 7am I decided it was time to go home I was done and happily walked home knowing that was a good New Years Eve and that 2007 is a new direction for me.

The Fine Art Of Masturbating With a Mate

2006-12-17T22:40:00.000-08:00

Question – Is it ok to have a wank with a mate? Answer – When it comes to this mate i am refering to I can’t see why not.

Recently me and a good mate of mine decided to watch some porn and bat one out next to each other with no touching of course. I have to admit I was very turned on by this I didn’t want to do anything sexual to him just the fact that we both where calmly jerking off to the same porn was really fun and I want to do it again.

Question – Is it ok to want to fuck a mate? Answer – Well no but this one isn’t as close yet then the rest of them.

Thing is I don’t look at any of my mates in that way even though I have done stuff with some of them when we first meet the more you get to know them the more you stop looking at them in that way. There is one new mate that I am a little sexually attracted to and don’t know how to go about relieving that sexual tension without it fuckin things up between us. He knows who it is him that i'm keen on and I am trying my hardest to control myself.

What to do in this situation? Any help would be great fellow bloggers.

Irishman and Studs

2006-12-03T19:58:00.000-08:00

My sex life has never been anything to write home to mother about I have gottin by over the years but JUST. Recently I have been a little more on the lucky side in regards to picking up which is something I never really had before, take last Thursday night it was Q and A’s 11th Bday (in which I DJ at) after a night of partying and Djing and drugs I was a little to over confident but I was having a great time with my close mates especially my friend (slut) Richard.

Pick UP no1

There is this guy that a few people seem to be interested in named Liam. I to have found a little attraction to him but always thought he was out of my league so whenever I chat to him I just be myself and not come on like I want him. Well it paid off and last Thursday while in the toilet with my mate Richard, Liam walks in and after a bit of a chat he comes into the cubical with me while I was pissing and starts kissing my neck, had a bit of a laugh and left it at that. My last set of the night at 3am I was pretty out of it and I noticed that Liam was waving good bye to me from afar I called him over to give him a hug goodbye and told him that this is my last song of the night and that if he needed a lift I can give it to him (yes I was wasted I already feel bad about driving) and he agreed. While all of this was happing my friend Richard was busy getting with my flatmate so I knew what was gonna happen when I got home with those two LOL. I have to admit Liam was fuckin fun in bed me being a total top and him being a total bottom it just works brilliantly and lets just say in the coarse of 4 hours I bonked him 3 times. When Richard and I where finally alone we talked about the night we both just had and how we both picked up, Richard turned to me and said I am still horny what porn you got and we both went and had a wank together (the mates only wank no touching no looking kind) the point of this is that I cummed 4 times that night some would say that’s a fair effort LOL I say YEAH BABY.

Pick UP no2

Saturday night was interesting I was pretty much set to go home after work and chill for the night but as soon as I got home Oliver (my flatmate) was already on his way to being totally trashed and was begging me to come with him to The Market, he was going to meet a guy their and didn’t want to go alone so after some convincing I thought fuck it I am in the mood. Soon as I was in the door me and Oliver went looking for the guy he was to meet and soon as he found him I was off to the dance floor, had my eye on someone. Went to the bar to get a drink and this hot looking Irishman said hello WELL IRISHMAN are fuckin hot and so I decided to chat to the guy on the couches. To be honest I was 50/50 on this guy he told me that he had just moved here and that he was BI, married to a bi wife and they had an open relationship I was like hmmm he might just be after a chat and someone to hang with. He wanted some fresh air and so we decided to go out the front in which he said how far to your house and I knew then that he was after some action and fuck so was I (did I mention Irishman are hot) I am surprised we made it home we kept stopping and kissing then walked a few more steps and repeated I had to piss really badly and because I had an erection it was bloody funny. I bonked this guy twice he told me he hadn’t been with a guy in like 2 years in which I was honoured to be his first in such a long time but what made this guy special was the fact that he was so keen on wrapping up himself in me afterwards but unfortunately he left a few hours later. Hope he calls me in the future it would be cool to hang out again.

So that’s my pick up stories this week join me next week as I tell all about Meredith Music Festival and what adventures I have on that trip.

So an IRISHMAN won Australian idol LOL

2006-11-26T19:37:00.000-08:00

I find it quite funny that someone that isn’t even ‘OZZY’ has one Australian Idol. It just shows you that the Idol format is just the biggest joke on the industry and what does it say about Australia? Am I to take it there is no more talent in OZ that an Irishman, a migrant has to win IDOL? I spit on Idol (mind you I have since it’s conception) I do have to admit I do believe he has a good voice but lets look at the past winners and runners up shall we.

Guy Sebastian – This guy is fuckin pathetic have you actually listened to the dribble he sings God this and Jesus that why is he even still around.
Shannon Noll – As much as it pains me to admit he is and only ever will be the most popular Idol. WHY? Jimmy Barnes replacement. Australia had a void and we needed to fill it.
Casey Donovan – Oh god this is one of the funniest winners not only is she un-marketable but she was tossed aside more quickly by her recorded company then any other artist I have even come across. The poor girl is like what 17 and she is not exactly a role model for this generation looking as BIG as she has become. Celebrity Biggest Loser anyone?
Anthony Calea – AH the ‘I’m not gay’ runner up there is nothing more I hate than a famous person that will denie he is gay just to sell a record to 14yo girls. Oh and didn’t you also get dumped from your label as well? A Greek friend of mine told me that even though the Ozzy public loved and couldn’t get enough of that shit The Prayer single he said that if that was a release in his own country it would be a huge flop due to it being a shit cover in his native language
Katie Deruge (or something like that) – 3rd Idol and yet I can’t remember who the hell was on it and shit did she disappear quickly. Who was the runner up? My point exactly the fact we forget in like a year.
Young Divas – Hehe I have to admit this got me thinking why not take 4 talent less girls that kind of didn’t make it solo and team up to……. Wait for it BE TALENTLESS GIRLS IN A GROUP.

Mark Holden should be shoot
Marcia is sweet as apple pie but fuck can we say something negative just once.
Kylie – Oh god I swear he gets off on being the worlds biggest dickhead who thinks what he is saying means anything.

AND WHILE I AM AT IT

Pete Murrey is one of the dullest, put me to sleep, and can’t sing above a certain note ever-Australian singers I have come across. Mind you I do like Better Days but if you ever hear this guy live you will understand what I mean.

AHHHH Thank fuck I am getting into the industry someone has to make a change.

Scissor Sister

2006-11-25T05:16:00.000-08:00

This is something about me that not many people know.

I have a sister.

Well I think I do and I have a story to tell.

I was 13 years old and life was hassle free I had a good home life and had a good close nit family. My mum had this best friend that I had known all my life (she use to baby-sit me when I was a baby) this women called Maggie was in our life every minute, every hour, and I couldn’t at that point imagine life without her in it she was like my sister in a way. When I was 12 Maggie had a baby girl called Bonnie and like everyone around us we all where excited that she finally had a baby. A few months after she was born my father had been offered to be Godfather which he accepted, he had always wanted to have a daughter (I was an only child) and he looked so proud on the day. Bonnie had just turned 1 and my father, Maggie and me use to go fishing a lot with my mum babysitting Bonnie but little did I know that while we always went fishing my dad and Maggie where having an affair right under my noise. The last time I sore Maggie was the last time we went fishing and after we got home that night I went to bed.

My mother was quite sick that night and Maggie gave my mum a lot of drugs to help her sleep and so she did. A few hours later I awoke to screams and yelling but I was half asleep but still put my ear to the wall to listen into what all the commotion was all about. It has taken me years to get the full story out of my mother (she has left a few parts out mind you that I remember). My mother had gotten up to get some water and in the lounge room she heard a lot of noise and went to investigate and what she sore I am guessing you can figure out.

Yes my dad and Maggie where having an affair but what makes this story quite interesting and what I ‘believe’ I heard makes it even more interesting is that the affair had been going on for more than a year and my mother not being stupid put 2 and 2 together was bonnie my fathers? What I heard that night is still a little fuzzy due to me being so young and not really able to hear all the conversation but I swear I heard that it is possible she is or that she is and that’s why my dad is the godfather (she was seeing my dads best mate at the time could be his too).

So I might have a sister but the thing that has been bothering me over the years is that I might have imagined what I heard that night or why at 27 my folks have never told me if this is true. I never have brought this up with them, I am scared I have believed this all my life that I have a sister that if they tell me it’s not true I might not like the truth and actually be an only child after all.

I think I am ready to ask them to find out the truth I need to know it’s been eating at me all my life.

True Romance in a BUSY Life

2006-11-04T23:35:00.000-08:00

My week EVERY WEEK

Monday - Gym and Work
Tuesday - Work
Wednesday - Gym, Yoga and Work
Thursday - Dj Gig and HEAVY DRINKIN
Friday - HEAVY DRINKIN and DRUGS (the odd pick up as well)
Saturday - Work and BLOODY HANGOVER/COMEDOWN
Sunday - Work and Looking forward to the weekend again YAY

The Point Being

It's party and work and life is fantastic hehehe

But....

I need to fit a man in their somewhere i am ready to start dating again.

On that topic

Is there a place in the gay scene to be a true romantic? I am one of those kind of guys i love the whole going out for dinner and seeing a movie and then to be able to walk that person home and kiss them goodnight at thier door ahhhh.
Unfortunitly all i hear about and witness is guys that shag on the first date or this whole one night stand bullshit (which i must admit i do) grrrr Whats a boy to do?

New Albums this week

The killers - Sam's Town (really good)
Midlake (i'll warm to it)
The Doors - Best Of (wanted it for years)

;)

Hmmmm E Squared

2006-10-25T23:43:00.000-07:00

Ohhh god that E i took last weekend fucked me up for a week. i was so fuckin depressed and couldn't shake it i hadn't felt like that since i was 18 thank fuck i got over it casue i was getting woried. Might give drugs a break for a while starting to get reliant on them and thats never been me EVER.

but....

i am sure i will do them soon enough grrrr ;)

Why the Smile?

2006-10-22T01:01:00.000-07:00

Thought it was time to update this thing with whats 'happy' news for me latly. So i been a busy boy as you guys may have read but for once in my life life is just wonderful.

Friends
My social circle of friends is just spot on right now i enjoy the company i keep with them all, my mates enjoy my company as well (i hope). Ever since i moved to this new place i been more open to socialising with all my friends, we do dinners and going out and i realised that the Northcote place was a nightmare on my social life no one liked coming over due to the ASSHOLE i lived with for 2 years and also i was just plain embarrased with that last place. Since my mate mike has come back from overseas we all seem to hang out alot expcially when i am DJing all the guys rock up and hang while listening to me DJ which is such a great feeling.

Love Life
Well from someone who always felt that everyone else is getting some or picking up (new bfs with some of them even) i been doing alright myself latly. Ever since i started Djing i been getting a bit of a posie and following which is great it's much easier to chat to people if they have something cool to say about the music i play. I've meet 2 guys recently but still not sure where or what it is but i know this for a fact ever since i started working out again my conferdence has boosted which i know people have notice. I don't feel silly anymore i feel and look great i don't care about it no more. Adrian is someone that i was keen on for like 2 years but he was dating a guy but recently is single again i called him up and we hanged after he watched me play the other night but i am not sure where it will go, not sure if i am interested in him that way but i am very attracted to him only time will tell. Matt is another guy that interests me but without knowing him to well and only meeting once guess will have to see what happenes when he moves here, seeing a band is a good start ;) There is another (ohh how star wars) but that one is a bit of a secret, so 3 guys not bad for someone that goes from nothing since Brendan (DEC 2005)

Music
Pretty fuckin excited to get a The Bees ticket i love this band big time also got a Muse ticket (fuckin going to be speeding that night), Meredith Music Festival is around the corner and thats always a blast looking forward to seeing Tapes n Tapes and Dallas Crane. Bought a few CDS this month Little Birdy's new one is fantastic, BECKs new one is also fantastic, Jets new one is BORING if i want ballads i will buy a James Blunt, have a cry album LOL.
New Datsuns album out, yet to buy wouldn't mind seeing them live again they rock big time.

The Fine Art Of Going Upstairs At The Peel...

2006-10-21T01:48:00.000-07:00

Well i went out last night to the Peel with my new house mate and his freind. After we all took half a pill each we went on our marry way to the dance floor. Thing you need to know is i hate the tipical fag bars yet i seem to want to goto them more these days cause i am over with putting restrictions on myslef (i ain't getting any younger). So we wonder around and discovered that their is a sex room upstairs that in all my years of going i never have had a peek into. Well what i witnessed up there was the most scary/slutty/creapy thing i have seen in the gay scene in years. Firstly their is a only one toilet and there is always someone in their shaging and i was disgusted to witness a guy pissing into the sink and then began pulling his pecker and looking at me i walked away laughing at the saddness of it all. Headed into the 'dark' room where a shit load of guys where all making out and i copped a few hands go for my nuts and ass. i was like WHAT THE FUCK? I was like i got to get out of here before i am raped LOL.

So i have done the Upstairs at the Peel and boy you can keep that place you SLUTS.

....mind you it might come in handy when i am older LOL

ps OMG why is it latly i am looking for a wanking buddy? Lordy help me.

With Every Step

2006-10-17T00:37:00.000-07:00

I joined a gym latly it was high time that i did soemthing about my gaining weight my hectic lifestyle has finally made me a bit of a blob (well i feel like one). I am working Saturday to Wednesday and then get Thursday friday nights off but on Thursday i DJ at Q and A (which has been happaning for a few months now) and Friday's consist of going out and getting trashed or staying at home getting trashed. i joined the gym i was like shit where am i going to fit this in? Well i have to do it before work on Monday and Wednesday and go every friday when i can since i'm super busy this brings me to my next point...... (ohh got side tracked listeneing to Nickelback and the song Animals fuck i think these guys are so underatted LOL)
So my point is when can i fit a love life into this lifestyle? i have to admit it's picked up alot latly being a DJ DOES have it's advantages. I meet a dude recently from Adeilade (yep you know who you are) not going to go into specifics cause he reads this LOL but he is moving here in December which is pretty sweet and looking forward to it.

Went to Sydney a few weekends ago and man i had a fuckin ball. Sleaze ball was on which is a big GAY RAVE not that it's my thing (Raves) but i always seem to have fun when i go to those kind of raves even though it's all gay and shit i didn't pick up :( sad i know but thats ok i wasn't looking and the drugs and beer i was drink might have given me a floppy dick syndrome LOL hehehe. I stayed at my mate Mikey's house in Newtown which is a fantastic place (it's good to have mates all over the country). Friday night went to Stonewall which i always seem to enjoy and i goto the 3rd floor and thier was this fuckin amazingly cute DJ and i did the whole i am a DJ from Melbourne can you play my song LOL (such a big no no but i was drunk) Dam he was cute but straight. Kind of have a secret desire to play a gig their in a few months do a Q and A on the road style thing but got to get Richard involved. My mates oliver (new Housemate) and Gary all went up together partyed hard then came home which is the way i like it.

Somethings been bugging me latly, i know i am gay but sometimes i look at chicks and think hmmm can i go their i will admit i have in the past but it does nothing for me yet i still find myself looking. AM I BI?..... no i don't think i am but it's shitting me. I think i know why i cling onto the chick thing it's like i am trying to fit into what the human race considers 'normal' i seem to get along with str8 guys if i can perve on chicks with them (even after they know i am gay) it's like i am forcing myself to like them to fit in but recently i have had a few girls hit on me and i am like totally not interested. It is time to just let it go and go you know what i am GAY 100% or what i would like to call it 'i am gay but str8 curious' LOL.

Lost in the Wind

2006-08-09T17:11:00.000-07:00

1) No Computer at the moment
2) One of my closest mates is in alot of trouble
3) Got a new place that i am moving into this weekend
4) Still haven't got laid

Full story soon

The Gaydar Addiction

2006-07-13T00:25:00.000-07:00

There seems to be alot of mates latly that spend the better part of thier life looking for Mr Right on Gaydar.com.au i will admit i too use gaydar.com but i never will think i will find Mr Right and the sooner my mates learn this the better they will be.
Thing is when you look at 90% of the profiles the guys on their have body shoots and all they want is to find a root why anyone would think they can find a needle in a hey stack i will never understand. One of my mates is a little addicted to this site, he sits on it on a saturday night hopeing to find a guy that 'fits' what he is looking for and then wonders why he is still single. Thing is the only way you can find a guy is by actually meeting them in person getting to know them and see if their is a spark you can't read a profile and get an idea of what this guy is like. Anyone can write anything on their without it being true or totally honest (like i don't sleep on the first date. BULLSHIT ALERT) it's like reading a book it can be a little to fictional. It also dosn't give you the skills to be able to chat to a person or see if there is an attraction.

Gaydar is evil.

..... but i still use it.

hehe

3 Things i need to discuss?

2006-07-11T07:16:00.000-07:00

1) Do i have a Gambling problem?

I was catching up with my mate Gary for dinner the other night after doing a runner from Pizza Hut (which involved us getting free All You Can Eat hehe) Gary offered to drive me home and the conversation we had on that drive was one of the most import talks i have ever had to anyone about my Gambling. Gary thinks i might have a problem i was like "no i don't" but he probed more and after some heavy consderation i too might think i have a Gambling problem. Well i been Gambling for a long time and i would have to say honestly over the years i have Gambled i would have come out even but still when i think about it i do it like once a week now and that to me is a concern i also seem to not be able to walk away if i am on a loosing streak (another bad sign), it's a case of loose it all or i won't leave until i am well and truly up. Thing is i should know better i work at a pokie Venue for gods sake but i am starting to think about it to much and once it was a fun thing to do once in a while but now i do it more (it's a case of to much money and nothing to spend it on) it makes me mad that i have let myself get this addiction, what to do? It's easy to say i will stop but for some reason i can't latly and i am meant to be saving for the next place i am meant to be moving into and on top of that i am scared that if i confront anyone at work about this that i might loose my job.

2) Am i Racist?

On the trip i just did with Darren. Belinda and Wade i was confronted very strongly from Darren on one of the many road trips over in the USA that i am Racist. Thing is i am NOT and it was a little hurtful that he thought i was so i defended myself strongly. When discussing attractions in men i said and i quote "i would never date an asian" this sparked anger in Darren because he loves asain men (but would never consider dating an older man which is another story). Thing is i don't find them sexually attractive in any way but that dosn't make me a Racist does it? It's no different to Gay men finding Women sexualy atractive? To me being Racist is when you signal out a group of people and treat them diffrently beacuse of Race i DON'T do that i know a few Asians through my work and never look at them and think they are any less than me or make any ill thoughts towards them but i will admit i just don't find them sexually attractive and hence why i would 'never' date one but in ruling this out and using the word NEVER is what got darren so uptight about but i can't help what i am attracted to. Am i Racist? i don't thing so.
Darren and i argued for a long part of the trip and those poor two in the back must have been laughing their asses off.

3) My Debt

I owe nearly 7000 on my credit card and i am starting to think it's really time to hit that on the head what the fuck did i spend 7000 on (1500 on accomadation in the USA i can account for) and how long will it take me to pay off ? I am worried a little bit but not that much it's the only debt i have in my life (no car or house) so i really think i can hit this one preaty tight.

Still looking for a place thinks ain't going so well their but hey i am looking at 2 tonight in South Yarra that has promise but the thing is i got to be out of Darrrens house by this friday so looks like Mum and Dads is looking good again (not that i won;t to be their)

My House Hunting

2006-07-03T01:19:00.000-07:00

I been living at my mate Darrens house for the last week while i am looking for a place to share within the city. The problem is looking for a place to live with an already established home is like trying to apply for a job and it's really a weird world out there. After visiting a few places i have come to realise that it's not as easy as i once thought, what with trying to find out in the space of 10 to 20 mins if you would get along with the person to is the place right for you, is the rent to high (or should i say the bond). I've looked at 3 places this week alone and after meeting each one of them i walked away with the thought that i just might have this place and i wait for a call back which i do for all three and you guessed it ROOM TAKEN.

Thing is thats not really the problem being told i ain't got the place it's the actually process of being interviewed and hitting it off and telling them near the end that i am Gay it's like a hit in the face to the str8 guys and i just know that all of that was a waste of time.

But

After talking to a mate of mine in Sydney he introduced me to a gay guy in Melbourne he knows is also looking for a person to find a place with and i have agreed not only casue i am over the hunt and i think gay men should stick together when it comes to living.

I'll keep you uptodate on the house hunting.

The Music Lyric Quizz post

2006-06-28T01:30:00.000-07:00

Goto my other new Blog for a game of guess that Lyric.

musiclyricquizz.blogspot.com

Glen

6 Weeks Later... i am home and

2006-06-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

I just got back from USA and Canada and i have to say 6 weeks away doing a road trip and then having to come back home to reality really sucks. Here is a run down of where i went (bit more of a detailed blog will happen in the future).

Los Angles
San Fran
Portland
Seattle
Vancouver
Calgary
Toronto
New York

I have to say New York and Vancouver are the best places we visited city wise we did stop in little towns on the way to each city like the BINGO crazyed Kamloops hehehe.

But this blog today isn't about that yet what i need to write down and give my angered view on is something that pissed me off in New York.

When i was in Portland i found this Gay Pride shop in town that had alot of rainbow colored things that just blow me away and i bought a Rainbow Colored plastic wrist band that i just wanted so bad since seeing one in Melbourne. So i was wearing this band in New York Times Square just standing outside a shop waiting for the others to finish there shopping and all of a sudden a group of Black young Americans walked past noticed the Rainbow Band and very openly and loudly shouted out "Fucking Homos". Now it's not the fact that someone had shouted this out i mean shit it happens all the time but what got me angery and pissed off was the fact that it was a Black Man and it got me thinking.

If the roles was reveresed and i shouted out "Fucking Niger" not only would i have been beating the shit out of but i also would have been dubbed a Racist but the thing is i would never ever do that because as a society we have come a long way since the days that the Black man was a lesser person in society and they fought for their rights to be equal and excepted, which brings me to the point that had pissed me off. If a Black Man is being 'homophobic' a BLACK MAN that once was where we are now as a lower of low class of the human race that fought to be equal and i thought would be more understanding of what it is like to be judged on sexuality and Race is thier any hope for us in todays sociaty.
This opened my eyes to the plit that i think we need to fight for we are the 21st century black race we don't have the same rights as the white or black man we are abused and verbally attacked everyday and yet this is so exceptable that a black man can very easly call me a fagort and not feel like he is being a racist.

I let it go after a day or so.....

Then i came home and the first thing i see on TV and read in the paper is that Gay Marrage is in debate again and this is the icing on the cake so to speak and this time i feel more strongly then ever that we should have the same fuckin rights as any other 'str8' relationship and how dare sociaty dictate if we can or not. Which brings me to the point i am making if the Black Man can get married, can have all the same rights in todays sociaty, can call a gay man a "fuckin homo" i think it's time that we stood up and be heard who the fuck do you think you are that you can tell us that we are not equal in the eyes of the human race what is this the fuckin 1940's lets hope that soon the gay community stand up and fights this without stepping down we have the rights but unfortunitly i still think the gay scene isn't ready to stand which to me is sad they just want to goto the bars and get laid but when will it turn around doe's it take what happened to me in New York to happen to every Gay man in this frigin world to wake up to the discrimnation we are reciving.

60 Minutes this sunday is must see viewing for every gay man in this country.

Top 30 Albums 25 to 30/30

2006-04-07T10:06:00.000-07:00

Sons and Daughter – The Repulsion Box (2005)
Oh now this album is just the best party music dance your ass off and party till you DIE. Meredith Music Festival last year was one of the best because of this band a Glasgow 4 piece that I knew nothing about and thought I’d check them out and I was blown away. I found it I thought, yes the modern day Fleetwood Mac. The album was bought ASAP when I got home and it still gets a spin when I am doing the dishes or just sitting doing nothing its soooo awesome both the chick and the guy singers are fabulous.
BT- Taste That Last Girl
BT2 - Monsters

Supergrass – Life on Other Plants (2002)
Supergrass are the modern day The Who in my books and every single album they have made is just pure genies (yes even the new one Road To Rouen) but this is the album I love the most they had balls in this very pop sounding record they where willing to experiment a bit and use weird little sounds to make you enjoy the tunes a little bit more and the songs all had a story to tell within the lyrics. Still in my top 10 favourite bands of all time.
BT- Seen the Light

Travis – 12 Memories (2004)
Well everyone loved Why Does It Always Rain On Me but that single is by far not their best work. 12 Memories is such a great album and I have so many feelings come to me when I listen to it because this was the CD that got me through 2 major things in my life, first being in Canada and what happened to me there (bashed and kicked out of the house I lived in) and also the song Happy To Hang Around pretty much spoke the words to my then best mate Mike how I was feeling about him “ I’ll never get into your heart but I’m happy to hang around” he knew what it meant and we dealt with it but when I hear that song it just makes me think of him. The Canada experience was mirrored in the song Love Will Come Through “So take me don’t leave me, take me, don’t leave me baby love will come through it’s just waiting for you” and Re-Offender “I’m fooling myself, you say your sorry and you do it again” it’s one of those emotional albums that I listen to when in a sour mood to pick me up again it’s a pity that it wasn’t commercial successful it’s a powerful album as a whole.
BT – Love Will Come Through
BT2 – Paperclips (for its use of a moaning dog in the song and how it just works)

Electric Soft Parade – An American adventure (2003)
This was never official released here in Australia and thank god HMV had imports because I loved their first album (Holes in the Walls) I can see where this band was headed with its Radiohead style direction. Even though it’s 8 tracks long that’s all you needed to listen to the amazing sounds and lyrics. These 2 brothers have something going on with their sounds. I hear they have a new EP out in the UK will have to wait till I get back to import the bloody thing.
BT- Headachville

And the most embarrassing top 30 album I own is……. (Insert drum role here)

Spice Girls – Spice
I don’t care what anyone says to me in the fact that I love this album this is Pop music at it’s best no one has come close to their success or style (even though pussycat dolls are trying LOL). What a great concept take 5 girls and make them each have their own persona and through in some wicked beats and bang you got the best chick pop group ever. I hate the fact that they split and keep saying they will never do a reunion (you bitches!) but if they ever do a tour I WILL BE THEIR.
I don’t like pop top 40 and hate boy bands and girl bands but you can’t deny the fact that they where the Queens of the charts in the late 90’s shit I use to dance around the house to this crap LOUD OMG shot me!
BT – Who Do You Think You Are
BT2 – Spice up Your Life (I know it was on their second album but I had to mention it)

Thats it folks that was not as easy as i had hoped but it's all there now.

Liked to mention these albums that came close as well.

Artic Monkeys - What People Say i am
Sleater Kinney - One Beat
Moorcheeba - Charango
Gene Pitney - Best Off
The Coral - The Coral Self Titled
and
Ben Kweller - Sha Sha

Q and A is LOST

2006-04-07T08:44:00.000-07:00

This is one of the hardest blogs I have had to write thus far and I know a mate of mine ain’t going to be happy with this but it has to be said.
As an openly ‘normal’ gay man I never really was into the typical gay scene (The Market, Xchange, Stonewall etc) it’s just not me I hate the queeny ness of it all and the fake gay persona that seems to come with those places. Five years ago I found a gay pub called Q and A that was perfect it was a rock and alternative music gay event every Thursday night at Builders Arms in Collingwood it was the best and for the last five years I have enjoyed it so much and thanked the heavens that a place like that existed for people like me.

Recently it had to move to A Bar Called Barry’s due to the new owners of the old bar closing it down and so it felt new and refreshed but that’s the thing because of its change into a bigger clubbier venue the old crowd have started to disappear and a new younger crowd have moved in. Last Thursday me and some mates that regularly go to the new venue are on the verge of letting it go as a place to hang every week it’s become just another ‘Market’ glow sticks and all. What once was a nice place for the alternative gays to go has been QUEENED, I respect the fact that gay people have the right to go but something is being lost with this new glow stick gays that are coming in it’s destroying the vibe and it’s that vibe that we love.

I member when you could play the Vines, Jet, Garbage and the whole floor would just go nuts (Builder Arms) and now you go to Barry’s and it’s a case of Madonna and the whole crowd poofing it up. I pity the co founders because I can see that it’s starting to be lost in the eyes a little yes it pays the rent for them but it must be killing them that their baby is starting to be turned into a new Market and in the end it will be just that.

Where can the alternative gays that don’t want to go to the typical scene go?

The group that I hang with contacted me recently to prapose a new idea that might help the alternative gays again. Lets have a once in a while Gay Rock night and bring back some of that vibe and people that we have lost on the way but again it could blow up in our faces and the crowd from Barry’s might rock up

GLOW STICKS AND ALL!

2006-04-05T13:12:00.000-07:00

Today to me is a sad one I just read that one of my all time favourite 1960’s singer/song writers died today, Gene Pitney was like the underground Elvis willing to take that classic 60’s sound and move it in a new direction for anyone that dosen't know this artist he sang The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, 24 Hours From Tulsa, and my personal favourite Something’s Got Hold Of My Heart.
I called my father, who was the person that got me into his music by blasting it early on every Sunday morning and told him the bad news and we both are just in shock he is only 65. Last year I took my father to a concert that Gene put on at Crown to show my appreciation for him getting me into this amazing artist and will never forget me being the youngest guy in the audience and how at 65 he can still sing like he was 20.
So I would like to say Rest in Peace Gene Pitney you leave behind so many great tunes that I will listen to until the day I die.

Thought I might leave the lyrics to my favourite song as a show of respect.

SOMETHING’S GOT A HOLD OF MY HEART

‘Something's gotten hold of my heart
Keeping my soul and my senses apart
Something's gotten into my life
Cutting its way through my dreams like the night
Turning me up turning me down
Making me smile and making me frown

In a world that was small
I once lived in a time that was peace
With no trouble at all
But then you came my way
And a feeling I know shook my heart
Made me want you to stay
All of my nights and all of my days

Yeah I gotta tell ya now
Something's gotten hold of my hand
Dragging my soul to a beautiful land
And something has invaded my night
Painting my sleep with the colours so bright
Changing the grey, changing the blue
Scarlet for me and scarlet for you
I've got to know if this is the real thing
I've got to know what's making my heart sing
Whoa yeah, you smile and I am lost for a lifetime
Every minute spent with you is the right time
Every hour yeah every day yeahYou touch me and my mind goes astray

And baby, and baby
Something got a hold of my hand
Dragging my soul to a beautiful
Dragging my soul to a beautiful land
Yeah something has invaded my night
Painting my sleep with the colours so bright’
Gene Pitney RIP 2006

Top 30 Albums 20 to 25/30

2006-04-02T12:17:00.000-07:00

Radiohead – OK Computer (1997)
I must confess their was a time in my life that I just didn’t get why Radiohead was so popular, yes their was a song or two that I liked but that’s as far as I went with this band (Paranoid Android and Knifes Out for those playing at home). One day I meet my future best mate (Darren) and he made a kind of Best Off for me to sample other tracks from their whole catalogue and when I listened to it I realised these guys are one of the most original bands to happen in the last 10 years and I was hooked. In 2004 I read that OK Computer was nominated as the No1 greatest album of all time in recent NME poll and I thought to myself how can I call myself a music fan if I don’t even own the No1 album and so I bought it at a bargain price of $10.
Well what can I say about this album if you listen to it from start to finish you will notice that it is perfectly blended musically into each other each song is different, each lyric is fierce and meaningful, songs such as Paranoid Android with it’s 3 different layered parts to Exit Music (for a film) with it’s haunting lyrics and sounds that just make you think of how this music is moving you without even trying, to my favourite track on the album Karma Police that I have never got sick off and when I listen to it I repeat until it drives me insane. This is an album that I missed first time round but glad that I caught up in the end I can see and understand why this is been voted No1 it’s such a powerful CD no such a POWERFUL ARTIST.
BT – Karma Police
BT 2 – Electioneering

Rodriguez – Cold Fact (1970)
This is very old school and it was my father that got me into this musician and over time this album grows on me like no other. You want the original Ben Harper or Bob Marley then this is the grandfather to them all he is just psychodelic, trippy, amazing and quite unknown in today’s scene (which is a good thing). When I meet Bernard Fanning in Canada a few years ago I had known that he did a cover of Inner City Blues the year before and I noticed that when I was trying to talk to him about music in general he was not really amused until I mentioned this artist to him as a last resort and all of a sudden his eyes lit up and we talked about Rodriguez like it was our little secret. Unfortunately this and one other album are the only works of his out their pity this guy is talented and if I ever become a musician I would say that he was the inspiration.
BT – This is Not a Song, It’s an Outburst
BT2 – Inner City Blues
BT3 – I Wonder

BECK – Seachange (2002)
Wasn’t a fan of Beck until this nice little 2002 album in which he decided to go all acoustic? This album can be just a great mood mover and I have always loved him for that fact since what a beautiful album.
BT – End of the Day

The Sleepy Jackson – Lovers (2003)
Luke Steele is a genius what can I say this guy has taken a sound and transformed it into hip new wave directions. I had a few EPs before this LP came out and yes I found them totally spaced out but I had faith in the band that when this LP came out I would not be disappointed and well I have to say this ranks up their as one of the best ozzy bands in the last 5 years and his live shows are something to behold (even though some people didn’t get the expressions he was trying to recreate).
BT – Rain Falls For Wind
BT2 – Tell The Girls

Something for Kate – Echolila (2001)
Well these guys have been around for years and before this album came out I wasn’t really that interested until I heard Monsters the first single off this album and I turned my head but still wasn’t convinced to buy the album then Three Dimensions came out and I was like if I like the next single I will have to buy the dam thing and low and behold Twenty Years was released and that was it had to buy it.
This album is flawless it is one of those rare albums where you don’t feel the need to skip any tracks and the non singles are just as worthy.
BT – Say Something
BT2 – Happy Endings

Only 5 to go what will it be and which embarrasing album in the last 5 i am proud of LOVING?

Tonight Was Interesting.....

2006-03-30T07:50:00.000-08:00

Well tonight was a fuckin interesting affair firstly I took half an E, why I am not sure I guess I am starting to get that drug habit that I have always thought I wanted, secondly I caught up with Gus tonight after spending half the night thinking “shit is this guy going to be here” I ended up giving up and just letting the drugs take hold and danced to pretty much whatever was playing. After a perve or to I went to the toilet and low and behold I ran into Gus but I just said to him up for a dance later and 10 mins later we where on the floor dancing making eye contact etc. After what felt like a lifetime of fun happy dancing I asked him to have a beer with me upstairs (finally) we sat at the bar and I learnt some amazing things about him that I didn’t know and It was going great then he had to leave for a 21st.
About 30 mins later I decided to take one of those chances and sms him saying that I think he is amazing and respect that he has just split up with his BF and that I am interested him, well I now know his feelings with the reply he gave me and I can move on but still feel like shit and listening to Metallica (anger MUSIC) to get over it and I’ll be fine in the morning.

On the plus side will be DJing next week at Q and A so looking forward to that as always.

I watched Mysterious Skin today about 2 boys being molested by their baseball couch that really moved and brought back some pretty heavy shit that happened to me in the past maybe that’s why I wanted to take drugs tonight because sometimes things like that are better off being deeply berried in the pitt of your soul.

Who Is Angus?

2006-03-29T08:41:00.000-08:00

The Purple Turtle gay night on Wednesday's has been operating for the last month. The first opening night I was their I found myself drawn to this young Barman that I was very attracted to and after some inquires through my mate Richard he told me his name was Gus. I flirted with him all night and I found him quite easy to talk to I realised at the end of the night I got a bit of a crush on this guy.
Last Wednesday at PT me and my mate Darren sat at the end of the bar all night and got pissed and had a good night laughing and chatting about things, Gus came over a lot and had some amazing things to say he was the most easiest guy to chat to I had ever meet and my liking for him grow not only was this guy a stunning looking guy but also had a wonderful personality this guy was the first man EVER that I have been mind and soul attracted to.
On the way back to Darren’s place I couldn’t shut up about him just praising the fact that I can’t get this guy out of my head he is 100% what I been looking for in a guy even though he was taken (a BF) at the first time I meet him he told me that night that he had split up with his BF a few weeks earlier... to my happiness. That night I was busily talking to this Asian guy and Gus was standing at the bar without a word or even a look towards him I handed my phone to him (a little test) and he put something into it and handed it back very calm and collective (and a hint of a smile I might ADD) after 10 mins more of talking to the Asian guy I looked at my phone and it said ‘Angus’ I laughed and said to Darren “who’s ANGUS” I shouted to Gus this as well (I was kidding around I know it was him) but the thing is I was really surprised that he put it in.

Ok this is me at my most honest I have never and I repeat never had feelings like this about a guy before that I didn’t know that well I mean I know the deference between lust and love I can’t say it’s love I don’t know him well enough but this is not Lust. I want to date this guy, I want to ask him out on a date the night when I found out he broke up with his man and I got his number I sent him a SMS but this was not a “I like you text” I played it cool I let him know that it was cool to get his number and we should have a beer at Q and A he was totally up for it but he said to me that I should take it easy and see what happens.

Tonight I meet up with that Ozzy/London guy that I mentioned a while back that is in town on business, we had dinner and he was a nice music loving guy then we meet up with Darren at PT and we all got drinking. Matt (ozzy/London guy) noticed that Gus was very interested in me and was telling me that the body language between us was a little on the 'we like each other' feeling but as always I didn’t see it LOL.
Again I walked home feeling alive and wishing that one time soon I will try and take the next step but I will respect his wishes and wait ‘Patients is a virtue’ as they say.

Gus I would just like to say that I think you are the most amazing guy I have ever meet and you might just be stealing my heart.

Oh for the record if I hear anymore mates say I am obsessed I seriously will crack the shits because I am not ‘Obsessed’ with this guy just in aurora of him there is a deference and please respect me and my new found feelings.

Top 30 Albums 15 to 20/30

2006-03-27T13:53:00.000-08:00

Interpol – Turn on the Bright Lights (2002)
This band has been a favourite of mine for a while they sound like a light The Cure but take what they did and goes in a totally modern direction to be honest this album is one of the best albums of the 21st century. Interpol are simple and like to have a song go in so many directions by the end of it you feel like it’s a modern day Doors album minus the drugs. Songs like Roland and Obstacle 1 and 2 are just full of energy it shows that you don’t need to over do every song on an album to get a maximum out of the song, one bad thing about this band is the fact that sometimes the lyrics in a song just baffles the crap out of me eg “We have 200 couches were you can sleep tonight” in PDA to “Stella was a Diver and She’s Always Down” but hey it makes for a own interpretation.
BT – Obstacle 1

John Mellencamp – The Best I Can Do (1985)
Yes there is John Fogerty, Bruce Springsteen, Paul Kelly etc, old singer song writes of the past but I have to say good old John Mellencamp is my favourite because all his songs just sound so god dam good (Hurt so Good reference) I have to admit I pinched this one from my parents and all the hits are their on the album Miami, Jack and Diane, ROCK In the USA, Paper and Fire….. Shit the list goes on so many great rock pop tunes that you know would go down at any local bar man I love this guy Oh and this is a great ROAD trip CD.
BT – Hurt So Good (I can sing this one to perfection at any Karaoke bar BABY)
BT 2 – Paper and Fire

Metallica – Black (1991)
Metallica to me are just the kings of grunge rock they did it so well (and still are to that fact I LOVED St Anger) this album sticks out because as an 18 year old this was the album that helped me when I was angry or depressed and if it wasn’t for Nothing Else Matters I might not be here today it was the song that I would turn up loud and lie on the floor and just let it draw me into it’s world. It’s great to know that you can be a wimp in a mans world and Metallica showed that they didn’t need to be heavy metal 24/7 and can create loving meaningful songs. When I sore Metallica at BDO 2004 and they played NEM I cried and proud of it, it brought back so many memories for me that I don’t care that their where 1000’s beefy men around me and to finally here it live after so many years it just gave me goose bumps live. The rest of the album has some gems as well especially The Unforgiven and Enter Sandman still right up their as one of the great albums of the early 90’s
BT – Nothing Else Matters (HANDS DOWN)

MUSE – Origin of Symmetry (2001)
One year I was watching Triple JJJ’s hottest 100 and within the 100 video clips three songs by one artist stood out Plug in Baby, Bliss and New Born I had never heard this opera style singer blended with rock ever in my life I was blown away with how fuckin cool this singer was. All three albums they have released are floorless but this one being the first I bought still is my Favourite.
BT – Plug in Baby

Neil Young – Harvest (1972)
My mother got me into this artist when I was very young and she would always play this album first thing Saturday morning (my father played Gene Pitney another cool artist from the late 60’s on Sunday morning) What I love about this album is the fact that it was made because all the artists involved were all in the same studio at the same time and Neil turned to them and said lets make a record and one afternoon later Harvest was made. It’s rough, it’s raw, it’s perfect, it’s the reason why I like QOTSA’s new album and Old Man is in my top 10 favourite songs of all time the lyrics in this song ring true in my head I know it word for word I can sing this without thinking “Old man look at my life 24 and there’s so much more, love lost at such a cost give me things that won’t get lost” ahhhh I love this song. Heart of Gold is just pure beauty lyrically and instrumentally I just wish this sound was still alive in this day and age you don’t need a million dollar contract to make a stunning album.
BT – Old Man
BT2 – Heart of Gold

Top 30 Albums 10 to 15/30

2006-03-26T14:06:00.000-08:00

Dido - No Angel (1999)
I was very surprised when I put this in my top 30 I hate pop music and I think that Dido has become a Pop idol but a good album is a good album and when I first got this album it was on repeat whenever I had the spare time. I think what makes this album such a hit for me is the fact that it’s not your typical pop crap like Britney Spears or Madonna she reminds me of a modern day Carly Simon more than anything. With the help of her brother from Faithless they both make a great team and tracks like No Angel and Honesty OK show that she can do pretty much anything sound wise even if it was a bit out their but that’s what you want from a Pop artist experimentation.
BT - Don’t Think Of Me

Eskimo Joe – Girl (2001)
The day I heard ‘Who Sold Her Out’ I was going through a bit of a downer in life I had just about had enough of living with my folks and I wasn’t really getting anywhere back then with a job (2001) then this song came on the radio and I was like instantly in love with the band the way this guy sings and holds the notes where so tight and then I sore the video clip and thought they where the hottest 3 piece in the world (especially the drummer). You think I could find this album? It took me a long time to track it down and it was only because of that one song that I really wanted it but then I got the album and realised these guys are not just a one hit wonder I never heard anything like this before and it opened my music taste in the future towards this kind of sound, this kind of band.
Sydney Song, and Take a Rest are great simple head bopping tunes and then there is Driver and Lair that just go in a slow mellow direction it works so well. The follow up album A Song Is a City is great as well but this album is still my favourite.
BT - Lair

The Faint – Danse Macabre (2001)
One day I was driving down the freeway on my way to work and this nice little tune on Triple J came on called Agenda Suicide, now I am not a fan of electronic/dance/rock mix style music (my taste after this great album changed to include this style of music eg Ladytron) but this song just through me into a new taste In music. This album is what I would love to dance to at a club if I could ever find a club that has this style of music a decent rock dance album that you can techno dance to while at the same time sing along to. To this day this album is the only album that I can listen to while trying to sleep (can’t listen to music and sleep at the same time).
The remix album that came out a few years later is also just as bloody good but the original is still the best.
BT – Your Retro Career Melted

The Streets – A Grand Don’t Come For Free (2004)
Mike SKINNER IS HOT but that’s not the reason why I like this very cleaver concept album. Rap to me is shit I can’t stand it but when you can do it right and make it more than a spoken word smack my bitch up affair I will listen. The Streets first album I missed and only liked the single Don’t Mug Yourself but when I heard this second album’s first single Fit But You Know It I just thought give it a go this album is just one big story and the songs play like chapters it works so well that if you don’t listen to it as a whole you will miss parts and go WTF. This album reminds me of Canada because that’s when I bought it while over there and my good mate Kyle likes him too so we shared the experience together.
BT – Dry Your Eyes Mate
BT – Fit But You Know It

Gomez – In Our Gun (2002)
I love Gomez and Ian Ball (one of three singers in the band) ranks very high as one of my Favourite singers. What I like about Gomez is the fact that they can do any music style wether it me rock, beat, slow, or just plain out there and in their total career they have had a few ‘out’ their songs. What makes this album so great is that it has everything music wise like Shot Shot (the first track) just using trumpets and a nice little rock sound though the track but then you got songs like Rex Kramer that are just plain weird yet hits in with the album as a whole then you have the title track that starts off as a acoustic sing along and then half way through just goes totally nuts and you just can’t help but smile at the fact that your listening to an amazing band.
BT – Ping One Down
BT2 – In Our Gun

My Little Problem

2006-03-26T00:53:00.000-08:00

In ones life I guess we all have a fighting battle of some kind weather it be Drugs, Image, Alcohol or in my case my weight. I recently looked at pictures of me when I was 13 to 16 I was the fattest thing I had ever seen at that age and then when I was 17 to 20 I was skinny and healthy looking but now that I am 27 my weight is becoming such an issue for me that all I do is worry about it. I have never felt physically fat until recently and I am starting to worry that I am always going to be like this.

People say to me that I am not fat that I’m just a solid guy but thing is they mean well but they don’t see it they don’t feel it and it’s me that is living with it. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and go “I look fine what you talking about” and some days I look at myself and go “you’re the fattest ugliest man in the world” what makes our minds tick like that and this is something I have been thinking of lastly. As a gay man in 2006 it’s all about image you go to any poof bar in town and its all gloss and hot bodies if you’re not a sheep you’ve got no hope. Why go for a guy that is a bit puggy when you could have that man over their with the six pack? Is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of my life in the way I think about ever finding a guy, that being I am not good enough is this why I want to change my body so I can be loved? Or even just looked at?

In Sydney I went down to Bondi beach and I couldn’t believe my eyes all the guys where ripped all the girls where hot and skinny I took my top off and for the first time in a long time I felt so discussed at my body that I only stayed on the beach for as long as I could handle it.
Thing is when I look at a hot guys bodies and as a gay man I should be looking at him and getting turned on but the thing is I don’t I look at them in a “OMG wish I looked like that” but I don’t want to be with that. My mates don’t know my type but the thing is my type is the guy that is in the corner that is feeling like me I am more attracted to that then anything because I can relate. Guys that look amazingly hot just don’t do it for me I hate them more than anything and that’s only because I am jealous.

Been telling some mates that when I get back from America that I am going to hire a private Trainer regardless of the cost and so far it’s been meet with negativity but the thing is they don’t know what I am going through it’s depressing me so much that I am truly starting to hate myself.

Is this the fat mans anorexia?

Top 30 Albums 1 to 10/30

2006-03-13T22:59:00.000-08:00

So this is the first 10 albums that I consider my all time favorite in no particular order (that would just be to hard) you might agree or disagree with my choices but hey it's all about me Remember.

My Top 30 albums of all time

Queens of the Stoneage – Lullabies To Paralyse (2005)
As a fan of Queens’s second album Songs for the Deaf in 2002 I never in my dreams thought they would ever top an album like that. When I first heard this album I hated it I thought no what have they done but I soon realised that it is raw, rough, not over produced and true rock brilliant album (a RARE thing in this day and age). It’s one of those rare CDs that I seem to put on when I have nothing else to play and it’s spawned so many singles each being the top shelf quality on the album.
When this album got released it got branded a flop but guess what people this album is not a flop and will be dubbed a classic in many years to come.
BT = Burn the Witch (the video is freaky and I still think that’s PJ Harvey in the clip)

Fleetwood Mac - Say You Will (2004)
This was a hard choice when it came to my favourite Fleetwood Mac album I mean rumours is a masterpiece but I have to say I love this 2004 album more. It seems to be the norm that if you’re an old artist from the 70s/80s that you need to do a modern, recapture your glory album and lets face it some have failed (Prince comes to mind).
So what makes this album so good is the fact that they have sticked to what they do best and that’s melody driven music that they where famous for in the 70’s. With 18 tracks I think it could have been cut back cause a few songs are a bit on the shitty side and also with the absence of Christine it could have been nice to have her for a song or two but this is not a bad thing Lindsey and Stevie are Fleetwood Mac to me and they have such unique sounds either alone or dueting within the album that you forget that their was once 3 singers. Stevie Nick’s songs I have to admit are better than Lindsay’s, Thrown Down and Running through the Garden and Say You Will are the best on the album and Lindsay’s Peacekeeper and Come are his best songs. I just couldn’t get enough of this album it has so many ups and downs just like life.
BT – Thrown Down (Stevie Nicks)

Bernard Fanning – Tea and Sympathy (2005)
This is the BEST album I own FULL STOP I never thought in a million years that Bernard Fanning would create such an amazing collection of songs and do it so bloody well. This is one of those rare albums that doesn’t have a shit song on it there are influences galore all through out this holly grail of an album. Bernard always hinted at these songs on Powderfinger’s B-sides but Powderfinger are so on the other end of the style that he was heading towards you can just tell he was itching to get this music out of his system, not bad for a guy who admits “I can’t really play a guitar”.
His use of simple, get back to the way music was once done by Bob Dylan to Crowded House make this a repeat listen and I never once get sick of it. Tracks like Sleeping Rough to the beautiful Further Down the Road are just sunshine I just wonder what life would be like if this album never got made.
BT – Songbird (this is my number one song of all time)
BT2 – Not Finished Just Yet

Powderfinger – Double Allergic (1996)
This was my first album I ever bought and only because I liked the Living Type single but after a while it hit me that this is actually Powderfinger at it’s best (Rocker like there Vulture Street Album 2004) and the album grow on me over time. So many great songs on here like Pick You Up, DAF, Living Type, JC, and the grungy song Oipic. Still my favourite artist even though there so commercial now.
BT – Living Type

BUSH – Sixteen Stone (1994)
Ahh the second album I ever bought I thought this band was IT for me and my mates use to tease me because all I would talk about was “BUSH BUSH BUSH” LOL. 16stone is grunge and raw it’s the album that you listen to to remind you of your youth of a time that was easy and I love coming back to this album because it was new and fresh back in the mid nighties there was nothing like it and that’s what I liked the most. This with Metallica’s Black album was the albums I would put on when feeling the pressure of being a teenager the song Machinehead was always a snap out of it tune for me and still to this day I give it a spin when I feel like shit and it’s my cure.
BT - Machinehead

Starsailor – Love Is Here (2001)
One time I went and sore Alex Lloyd play at the HiFi bar in Melbourne in 2000 and a support act from the UK called Starsailor where his opening act. To this day I have never been moved by a performance this guy sang with such passion such truth he meant every word regardless of the songs context songs such as Acholic about his father being an abusive drunk to the tear jerking Love Is Here this album is just flawless. When he cried during Acholic I just had to buy this album and still to this day listen to it and think “wow how moving” (it’s a shame their follow up albums have yet to capture this but fingers crossed).
BT – Alcoholic

Alex Lloyd – Black the Sun (1999)
What can I say Alex Lloyd other than he is my favourite solo artist of all time (Bernard Fanning is so close). This was his first solo album and a nice little sleeper hit, the reason why I bought the album was that I had a few songs off his on a few JJJ CDS I had and thought hang on this guy is really cool and I think I played this album like over and over for a year straight. Before Alex got all commercial this album was very acoustic sounding with experimental sounds throughout all the 13 tracks he wasn’t afraid to do something different like Momo with the sample of an Asian just talking during the chorus to the huge sympathiser sounds in My Way Home he could do no wrong. His modern stuff is not like that anymore but he is and always will be the ‘one’ artist for me that will never do a shit album.
BT – Black the Sun

The Arcade Fire – Funeral (2005)
Ever listened to an album for the songs that are the catchiest, standout songs? Well this album was that for me at first with the songs Lakia and Powerout that was the only songs I would listen to and then move onto something else. How stupid was I to miss the rest of this album and realise those two songs are nothing compared to this album in a whole. Wake Up with it’s hypnotic sound to Rebellion with it’s amazing lyrics “People try hard to lie, underneath the covers heres the sun it’s alright LIES LIES every time you close your eyes LIES LIES” it still gets me pumping pity this song never really grabs people on the dance floor when I DJ the album just takes you on a journey.
BT – Rebellion (Lies)

The Editors – The Back Room (2005)
I bought this album only for the fact that one of my good DJ mates couldn’t recommend it high enough “It’s like Interpol but British” he said (he is a Radio presenter and CD review so I trust his judgement). Well he wasn’t wrong and in fact I think I like this band more than Interpol they have a great sound to them and again it’s a case of find me a shit song which their just isn’t, great road trip album.
BT – All Sparks

David Gray – White Ladder (1999)
Back in 2001 I was shopping at JB HIFI and this album was on in the background and I just found myself thinking wow this is a really chilled acoustic album and bought it that day. To me David Gray is the Alex Lloyd of the foreign kind he is my favourite intentional solo artist and this album is such a sad beautiful lullaby album that when I put it on I just seem to drift off and think of things in a new light. His use of acoustic guitar with electronic sounds make songs like Nightblindness, This Years Loving and Babylon shine so loud that you just can’t help but think this artist is just what the world needs (if people would stop bagging him and actually listen that is).
I am proud to say that this is the only modern artist that I have yet to get my parents to listen to and they love him as much as I do which shows that his sound might reflect that of a time when music was amazing and fresh.
BT = Sail Away

Bored and Thinking too much

2006-03-12T08:21:00.000-08:00

What is love?
What is body?
What is mind?

Is there really time to choice?
Into my arms.
You should go.
And together we will find out.
That life is to short.
To worry about such trivial matters.
Answers to these questions will never be solved.
So just let them go.

God i'm BORED!

2006-03-10T23:54:00.000-08:00

I was going to do this huge blog on what i got upto in Sydney and had already writen down the first day of that trip but then thought hmmm i don't think i will post on here what i got upto it's a case of 'What happens on the footy trip stays on the footy trip'.
What i will say is man did i let my hair down and that the Mardi Gras party was the best fun i have had in years ohh there is a story about trying to flush condoms down a toilet but LOL thats just embarrassing.

Only got 2 more months till my trip to America which is exciting and i am knockling down with money big time.

Also doing a My Top 30 Albums of all time that have moved me or i just plain love that i will be posting on here in the next week or two ohh and i have meet (or should i say will meet) someone but i am keeping it hush hush until i know whats going on.

March and Mardi Gras

2006-02-26T23:17:00.000-08:00

Well what a week I have coming up, in fact it’s going to be a killer month (March) what with leaving this Thursday to go to Sydney for my very first Mardi Gras to meeting an Australian that is currently living in London things are looking quite UP as they say.

This Thursday I will be driving up with my good mate Gary to Sydney for which I am staying for the next 6 days. I love Sydney it’s a nice place to visit and it’s good to get away from Melbourne once in a while, so this is my first Mardi Gras experience and it’s taken me about 5 years to finally have the guts to tempt it my mate Gary got me a ticket for the Party ($125 the most expensive RAVE party I will have ever gone to) which I am looking forward to I need to let my hair down a little and I am sure we will be doing many other things like go to the beach, perve on the guys etc.

Recently ventured into gay.com (which is not my fav place in the world) and was chatting to this really cool guy named Matt who is currently in London working, after a few chats I invited him over to MSN and we started talking about music and we hit it off like never before the thing is he loves all the music I like and David Bowie etc but what really got me excited is the fact that he 1) knows who Gene Pitney is and 2) Likes Gene Pitney I can’t believe it I have never come across a gay guy that likes him. Well the good news is he is coming over to Melbourne on business at the end of March and we are going to have dinner (might be DJing at the Purple Turtle so he’ll get to see me in action) but the bad news is that he is going back to London butttttt the other good news is that I recently become a Citizen of the UK and well there is that option hehehe.

On another note went to the new gay night at Purple Turtle and fell in love with the Barman but he is taken grrrrrr.

ps Is anyone actually reading my blog i have always wondered that?

Relationships

2006-02-21T00:22:00.000-08:00

I have had 5 major relationships with men in my gay existence and everyone one of them I loved to some degree but lately I been chatting to some of the mates that are in relationships at the moment and I am shocked and a little afraid why you ask? Heres three different stories I been told by three good mates in relationships that has caused such fear…..

1) Chris (best not to use real names just in case) is one of my longest mates he was the first person that I meet of the net and been mates ever since. Chris is the type of fag that can’t really commit to one person he has more boyfriends than I can keep up with it seems to be a new guy every week but he is a mate and I totally respect him and his choices. Thing is he has been in a good relationship with a cool guy for a few months now and he recently told me he is going to end it with him because he can’t having a wondering eye and admitted he cheated on him and would rather be single. The thing that shocked me about this is the fact that this is 80% of the gay community I have come across gay’s that just want to sleep around, can’t commit, and just plain old string you along how are the genuine ones ever going to find the one if most of the gay’s out their can’t even commit to one guy?
2) Craig has been in a long term relationship with one of the sexist guys in the world for the last 2.5 years and thought they had it made and have to admit I was very jealous they where the model couple the couple that I wish to be with the right guy when I found him. Thing is he recently told me that they ended up just being mates and they split up. OHHHH BOY you spend 2.5 years to realise your just mates that’s scary but not uncommon as I recently found out with my EX we where just mates that fucked now and then but I figured this out in 2 months let alone 2.5 years. Poor Craig he is a little down at the moment and he feels that he has wasted that time spent with him and could have been out their shagging anything that walks.
3) My on call fuck buddy Brad (see a pattern) has been in a relationship with a guy for some time but he cheats on him religiously thing is I don’t care it’s his life I don’t judge anyone on their choices thing is they recently decided to have a three way relationship with a new guy. THREE WAY RELATIONSHIP what the fuck is that? He was pretty excited about the whole idea until I got a message a few days later saying that he called it off I asked why (I pretty much could guess) and he told me that the new guy and his BF where doing it on the side without him knowing and he got all jealous and called it off.

In the space of a week all these stories where told to me and has made me realise that gay relationships are totally fucked up and have no structure and has made me PARANIOD what happens if any of these happen to me LOL but that’s the risk you have to take I guess.

Mates

2006-02-18T00:54:00.000-08:00

I did another gig at Q and A last Thursday and what made this one special was that I had an old mate of mine turn up that I haven’t seen for 2 years. Richard and I was the best of mates a few years back we would hang out and go to Q and A together and just be close but it kind of faded out and for 2 years we have not really talked let alone hang out so to have him ring me up and say “coming out” I was really looking forward to rekindling our friendship.

As a few of my mates where sitting in a group we all got chatting but the thing is it was about me and why Richard kind of didn’t talk to me for a few years I was ganged up on by my close mates and I realised a few new things about me that I didn’t realise before like the fact that I can be a bit of a drama queen when it comes to mates (my excuse being that I care and value my friends a little to much) but they all agreed on what Richard said. I turned to him, after apologising and said that I understand this but I am now a different person which he relied “your still the same” any other person would crack the shits but I didn’t for someone to have not seen or talked to me in 2 years of coarse he is going to think I haven’t changed but I know I have and if I want to make a fresh start with this mate I will just have to prove to him by just being me cause that’s all I can be.

Just add this to experience and building a better me.

Cat Power Helps Depression

2006-02-11T10:45:00.000-08:00

It’s been awhile since I have sat at this computer and listened to something that has me hitting REPEAT, what am I talking about I hear you ask! Well there is this artist called Cat Power that I have had a love hate relationship for a long time now, with all this talk about her not being amazing live and some of her songs shit me, there is something about the way she sings that draws you in I have her last album on my IPOD and the songs off that album are amazingly beautiful, He War, Speak For Me are some of my favourites songs ever.
I recently downloaded a song of hers on the upcoming CD The Greatest and thought let’s see how this new album will hold up so I thought I’d download the title track and see how it goes. Well as I am writing this I have listened to it on repeat for oh 10-15 times I kid you not their has never been a song in the history of my life that I can repeat this many times and not get bored, Cat Power – The Greatest has to be one of the most amazingly beautiful, sweet, moving songs I have heard in a very long time so now I am going to get the album and smoke a joint to it.

Been a little on the downside lately due to too much work and no fun I tried to swap shifts so I could go to my best Str8 mates Bucks party with no luck (still went for like a fringing hour and got pissed and then went to work drunk LOL FUCK UMM) Thing is it’s happening a lot lately I seem to be missing peoples birthdays and bands I want to see all because I do 9pm to 5am in the morning and my boss is being a prick in not allowing me to swap things around (I do believe his words where “then quit”) thing is I love my job it’s good pay and fun but it’s really taking a toll on my social life and love life who wants to date a guy that works at night.

I have decided that it’s time to take back my life I am sick of sitting here thinking shit if I do this or that what’s the consequences when I get back from America I am going to go on day shift and I am going to reclaim my FUCKIN social life I ain’t missing out no more.

Sex and the CITY

2006-02-05T23:32:00.000-08:00

I been a little hooked on Sex and the City lately and been watching like 2-3 episodes a day (sad I know) thing is there is an episode in session 6 where a guy Carrie is dating tells Miranda how it really is when a guy doesn’t call you or come up after a date “He’s just not into you, a guy will call you or come up regardless if he likes you” with Miranda replying “Fuck he’s right if only I know this when I was young it would have saved time and effort hoping he will call”.

He’s just not into you! Something I wish I also know from the time I started meeting people since I came out.

The amount of times I have meet people and liked them and hoped they liked me and then sitting on your ass hoping for that ‘CALL’ and then bugging them a lot asking them to come out or to catch up again and getting excuse after excuse not to go out with you….. LOL.
I meet a guy recently that I think I told you all about in a past blog entry and we hit it off for 4.5 hours when we first meet and I thought wow this could go somewhere then he came out with us when I sore Brokeback Mountain, thing is I been trying to catch up with him a lot and I realised that it’s always me asking him to go out and never the other way round, if I hadn’t watched this episode of SATC I would still be clinging to the hope that we will catch up again but FUCK that I realise “THAT HE IS JUST NOT INTO ME” and to just let it go and move on.

I think I finally have realise that it’s soooooo easy to see the signs if this guy was into catching up he would either ask me out or he would jump at the chance to catch up.
This guy is a really nice guy and it sucks that I am going to give up on a possible new friendship but fuck life’s to short to give a shit anymore and I am sick of time wasters that seems to happen more than I liked to admit.

“If only I knew this when I was young” INDEED.

Off to see Brokeback Mountain again with the people that really matter in my life (Mates incase you didn't get it)

I Tryed the BEAT but.....

2006-01-31T08:56:00.000-08:00

I sore Franz Ferdinand tonight and though i was plesently surprised by what they played (Shopping For Blood is a RARE track and they PLAYED IT) i walked away a little disappointed i think the Palace is a shit venue and it showed tonight but still it was a good concert and thanks to my mate Richard for getting me the ticket.

After the concert i got a lift into the city and got dropped of near Fitzroy Gardens.

Before i tell you what happened in thier i must go back to the first time i came out and then my first gay mates took me down to St Kilda Beat as a joke and since i had just came out i got all shitty and freaked out and stayed in the car while they went of and did their whatever in the bushs.

Over the years i been a little curious about this whole BEAT thing and for the last few months i been wanting to do it, to get over this fear of BEATS. So i walked through and did a few laps had a few guys checked me out and a few guys followed me but something inside of me was telling me this is not for me, regardless of how horny i am at the time. So i decided to sit down on the park bench on the main foot path and wait i thought if a guy approached me then it might be easyer, thing is a fuckin AMAZING hot stud did the whole walk past then come back and just stood their and stared at me like i was meat for the takin i looked away and thought this is fuckin degrading and after about 5 mins of me trying my hardest to not look at him he gave up and went on his marry way.

As i sat thier i realised that is it me or am i not the kind of guy to fuck in a park at 2 in the mornning but hey i tryed but the thing is it an't for me PERIOD.

Good old Romance for me i think and i walked away very proud of myself that i at least gave it a go and now know it an't ME FULLSTOP.

Two Tops don't = A Bottom

2006-01-30T06:11:00.000-08:00

Over the years that i have had either a boyfriend or just a one nighter there has been something that i have discovered in my adventures, if your a Top and you sleep with another Top it's either Boring what to fuckin do sex or it's a case of we are not having sex because Two Tops don't Make a Bottom. I recently had a one nighter where this guy was a Top (i am a top to) and all we could do was have a wank and he said pity your not a bottom, one of my 5 boyfriends in my life dumped me because we where both tops and when i turned to him and said "look i'll have to bottom if your not willing" that scared him off and i was like what the fuck, is that another term for shit if he's willing to do this then it's commitment PLUS.

Can two tops ever work?

Recently i bought a toy to kind of get use to being a bottom but i fuckin hate it so much sometimes i wonder why bottoms love this shit.

Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-29T05:59:00.000-08:00

With all the hype surrounding the film and all the conspiracy as well with religious freaks trying to ban something they have yet to have viewed or tried to understand I was looking forward to this film for the last year I have heard of it’s existence.

A big group of my gay crowd that I hang with all got together to view this film as one it was a big thing to support gay culture. As we entered the cinema at Nova their was a huge line for the film and I was really surprised how many str8 couples their was in the line but one lone boy round the age of 18-20 was standing in the line looking very nervous is this what the religious groups are afraid off someone like this who is still possibly closeted who is confused and wants to view this to find some answers?

The movie started and I was a little nervous I have so many high hopes for this film what if it was done in such a way that it will offend EVERYONE or make us look like Will and Grace or shit even worse ‘QUEER EYE FOR THE STR8 GUY’ (as you might have guessed these shows to me are not my favourite and are actually stereotyping all of us).

“Spoilers ahead”

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN is the most perfect film in every possible way I can imagine, not only does it have the most believable characters and events, this would be the first film I have actually felt for EVERY single person weather it me Ennis (Heath Ledger) and his way of dealing with the realisation that he is in love with a man or Jack (Jake Gyllenhaal) for his 2 way secret life he lives, the wife’s (Michelle Williams is superb) the way she handles the situation when she accidentally views Ennis and Jack kissing and the way it builds and explodes was breathtaking. The reason why I say this film is realistic is because they don’t use over the top scenes to portray what the director Ang Lee is trying to get across there is a scene at the beginning that has Ennis naked and washing his body and what makes this scene stand out is that Jack is not trying to take a look and just goes about his business there is the tinniest of hints that Jack is the more gayer of the two and again it’s in the scenes and the way Ang portrays and leads it up to that first encounter that makes this film stand out ( I mean lets be honest it could have been one typical fag film with glances and sexy frustration) but there is nothing like that in this film till later on. Every scene in this film regardless of it just being a conversation or an action has meaning and it all leads up to the last scene of the film with Ennis alone in his trailer hugging his lovers Jacket.

I walked away from this film feeling sad and upset yet happy and proud of my sexuality maybe this film will help those Str8 people that have caused so much bullshit in our lives that it’s not all about SEX , DRUGS and PARTYING that we love that we care that some of us are so afraid of it that we have to live 2 lives.

Whats New?

2006-01-27T00:01:00.000-08:00

Been dieting and eating a little healthier for the last month and felling fantastic, trying to save money so i can by a Mountian bike and i been doing my Skipping Rope (that shit is the bomb it's like running a marathon). The trip plaining is nearly complete and all we have to do is pay for the Accomadation and all is sweet with that the heat is really starting to piss me off trying to sleep in this is something i can't wait to fuck off LOL (when i start day shifts after the trip).

Got a huge weekend this week not only am i seeing Brokeback Mountain but hanging with some mates as well and then thier is a chance i might be seeing White Stripes for free ( security guard is a mate of mine hehehehe) then on sunday might go for a swim at the pool, monday got a sort of date with a new guy i am meeting (not sure what this other guy wnats might just end up mates) and for once i am not holding hopes on 1 guy so i am really out their now then tuesday Franz with my mate Richard which i am really looking forward to.

The Fine Art of Chatting to Guys on the NET

2006-01-24T00:48:00.000-08:00

Over the years i have chatted to a shitload of guys on the net, some where fantastic and ended up being close mates but i think i have had a few that seem to be either after one thing or bizarre.
After the recent break up i have put myself out their again and been chatting to a couple of people but i have come to the realisation that alot of guys on here just can't hold a conversation. Most of the time i am chatting away like if they where in the room and they are ether brain dead or can't hold a convasation, i try my hardest to keep up the convo or to ask them interesting things but it's either a Yes, No anwser. Poeple say that you can't really tell what a person is like off the net but i think thier wrong if someone can't hold a conversaton online WHAT THEY GOING TO BE LIKE IN REAL LIFE?

I try to do things a little diffrent when chatting to people online if after a week of chatting i want to either talk to them on the phone or meet them in person because from past experiances if you don't do this you may have missed the one or a great guy but i find alot of guys are afriad to meet someone from online chatting.

You sit their behind your computer and you are safe you can say whatever you like and never really deal with a persons reaction it's a safty blanket that alot of guys will never let go off and will end up unsocialble and lonly. I use to be the same once but i found that you spend half the time trying to get to know someone but you will always get to that point where you have ran out of things to say (and trust me it happens to EVERYONE you will ever meet online) so my thoughts on this is to get myself out their and meet these people in person saves alot of bullshit wasting time online thinking WHAT IF.

The guy i meet the other day was a great example of meeting after a few days chatting and really hitting it off for 4 hours and we are catching up for a drink on Saturday i don't think to myslef ohhh i am going to bone thins guy or he is a possible BF, i just think shit i meet a cool person that i can added to all the other cool people that i have meet over the years.

If you are one of those people that sit behind your computer scared to take a risk in meeting a guy you are talking to take a long hard look at yourself WHAT ARE YOU REALLY AFRAID?

Been testing my theory with a few online people i am currently talking to.

Birthday Blues

2006-01-23T01:45:00.000-08:00

It was my Bday yestarday and i am official in the late 20's and i feel a little lost what have i done with my life?
Had family and close mates goto a dinner last Friday night at Peko Peko (my fav resturant) it was a great evening of laughter and dinking got some good presents and we all went out afterwards to Zinc at Federation Square. I got hit on by this guy i liked and perved on at The Peel a few times yet i was sooooo pissed i knocked him back and lol told him i was str8 and go away, boy do i regret that now sooo next time i see him i will make an effort to reintroduce myslef to him, normally i am the easyest person to chat to but i was just to out of it to be bothered.
Wanted to meet up with that guy i meet the thursday night before but we unfortunitly missed each other but catching up next saturday still not sure what we both want out of it but hey thats life.

Interntional album of the YEAR - Sons and Daughters - Repulsion Box
Australian album of the YEAR - Bernard Fanning - Tea and Sympathy

Death of my Plastic Surgeon

2006-01-23T01:38:00.000-08:00

I was watching the news today and heard that the bus crash in Eygpt that killed 6 Australians had my plastic Surgeon on it. Warren Greville did some cosmetic liposuction on me back in December to remove some fat of my heaps (somthing i wanted to get for many years) and i found out that he was one of the six that had died in the crash. It was a bit of a shock to find this out because it was only a month ago i was talking to this guy and having him hack away at my body.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/world/sixth-victim-was-a-pioneering-cosmetic-surgeon/2006/01/13/1137118970145.html

Now i feel lost a little i was going to go back to this guy at the end of the month to get an update but now what happens? I feel for the family and the employees at the surgry they where nice people and i felt relaxed when i was their.
RIP Warren Greville.

Q and A DJ GIG

2006-01-19T20:14:00.000-08:00

Yestarday would have to be one of my highlights of the year so far. Why you ask? Well not only did i meet a amazing guy but i also had the BEST DJ Gig at Q and A ever.

I been chatting to a guy for about a week now and since i split with Brendan i been trying to get myself out on the scene again and he happened to be the first guy i have meet online in like a year and boy what a time i had, we hooked up at Transport in the city and for once i wasn't nervous or felt i was being a dickhead and he came across the same we just hit it off really well and spent 4 hours chatting and hanging, really nice guy hope to catch up again tonight see where it leads (thats depending on where he wants it to go ;) ).

I arrived at Q and A around 10:30 and to my surprise i had a bit of a fan club all my mates had rocked up and my ex Tim was their as well (i been trying to get him to come for years)and Anna (who is like the best chick ever will dance to anything and everything). I wasn't nervous this night and their seemed to be a few rock chicks in the house and for the first time since i started Djing i played the best set i could possibly want i had people screaming and Dancing and if they requested something i already had that plained to play anyway so i stasifed everyone i could. Sleater Kinney, Smashing Pumkins, Yeah Yeah Yeah's, The Music, The Strokes etc thats what they wanted to hear and thats what i was in the mood for.
I had people coming up saying that i was the best DJ ever in the place and these 2 chicks came up saying the same but had a request that i play Yeah Yeah Yeah's at Midnight casue it was one of the girls B'DAy and i thought shit if that was me doign that to a DJ i would hope he would do the same so i thought fuck it you use to be that person requesting so i played Date With The Night (i thought it fitted perfectly).
Afterwards i got praise like you never believe from my mates all night long shit even Tim was like "shit you have improved since i first sore you years back" not only that but the one person i never thought would complement me was Pete the other half of Q and A so all in all it was the BEST night ever ;).

It's my dinner party at Peko Peko tonight i hate having all my friends in one room it makes me go "shit who i talk to who am i ignoiring etc) but later on goign to Fed Square seems the mates that i couldn't invite (due to space) are goign to Fed Sq so i got 2 reason to go (the guy i meet the other).

Trip to America

2006-01-15T22:56:00.000-08:00

As i mentioned in the last post i have plained a trip to America leving on the 10th of May this is not the first time i have done a trip to America (lived in Canada for 8 months) so this should be a breeze for me. This time i have my best mate Darren coming and my best female mate Belinda and her boyfriend Wade as well, Me Belinda and Wade are starting the trip off in Los Angeles for a few days then driving upto San Franisico to meet up with Darren then all of us are doing the good old American road trip up the coast all the way to Vancouver up the top.

Originally i was going to goto Scotland first but unfortunitly it would have cost me my job becuase i would have taken 2 months off and my boss couldn't hold my job open but thats ok i might go for christmas 2006.

Next january i have finally decided to go back to school i found the coarse i want to do, that being Music Industry Management i mean i use to be a band manager for a few years their and it was the best thing i ever did. I love my music so much it's all i ever liked in regards to career.
So i will be working 1 more year to save as much as i can to just be able to do all this proparly.

Got my Birthday coming up turning a big 27 just haveing a Dinner with mates and family then go out somewhere fun maybe the LambsGoBar i have always felt that 27 is the year of goodwill for me it's a feeling i have had since turning 26 mind you nothing has really happaned to me like it did in the early years LOL.

I was talking to my folks the other day they seem to be getting happy again after all the death which is great i still can't belive my dad is 50 but hey thats life hehehehe.

It's Been TO LONG (January 2006)

2006-01-14T23:49:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot i had one of these Blog things and thougt it was time to update whats been happaning since June 2005.

My Best mate and i way back in june had a huge falling out because i didn't approve of his cheating BF and i voiced my opinion (maybe to much of one) and he didn't talk to me for 5 months, even though i tryed to mend things. Now in January we have chatted and talked a bit now and then but it's not the same and he is leaving to live with the guy i disapproved of in like a week. Thing is it's now changed between us so much that i realised that we are no longer mates just going through the motions of being mates, when all this happened i tryed to fix it but he was being childish and left it to late and in the end i was the one that decided "you know what fuck him i will move on" and i did.

Both my Grandparents on my mothers side passed away 3 months apart last year. My Grandma was first and it was pretty sad cause i havn't had a death in my life for 15 years so i cryed my ass of and thank god i had one of my cousions their to hold my hand i just couldn't stop crying (and here i was thinking i can't cry). My Grandpa (My beloved most respected person in my life) I loved him so much and i don't care about what he did in his past i had all the time in the world for him and when he died it was hardest of all but this time i was strong for my mother who was by now a walking wreak which is understandable.

There was a nice period their when i reaquanted myself with a person i meet way back in June who just happened to call me up with an excuss to get me to come out to some bar my mate Richard was DJing at but since i was working that night i organised to meet him later on that week. What came of this was 2 months of some of the happest times in my life but it was hard to see my boy when he worked afternoons and i worked graveyards but it worked for a while.
My ex Boyfriend is an amazing guy and when i had to break up with him their was no reason why except the fact that we where at difrent stages of being gay (he is 20 i am 26) i still havn't cuaght up with him since then because i am scared that i will convince myself that we can make it work but in reality it won't. Just want to say i'll always love my little sexy boy (he knows i do)
In a lighter note been trying to get myself out their on the dating scene again i am not getting my hopes up but their is either a new frined out their or a lover.

Went to Meredith Music Fest and had the best time EVER at a Festival and i been to a shit load. Sons and Duaghters was the best act of the festival and the company i kept where all top shelf people and friends.

The last thing i want to mention before i piss of to work is that the house i live in is making me misrable i have finally found peace with my mind and body (nice healthy diet and exercise) but the people i live with are fuckin shitting me up the wall the main guy steve is a overpowering cunt and thinks he knows everything (and leaving bloody notes for me to do this and that) i an't no kid mate so back off never had a problem (in Australia) with a flatemate like this ever and it's time to move out before i kind of beat the shit out of him LOL.

Ohhh got a trip coming up that i will talk about next time.

My Changed Life 1

2005-05-15T17:06:00.000-07:00

I was at my friend Shonas house for lunch yestarday and me and her got a little stoned for a bit of fun. Now i am not a big druggy or anything but i have a smoke now and then but for the first time ever i actually could find answers to the questions i have had in my life latly, eg where am i going, why was i recently dumped, my own image of my body and looks, all answered it was really bizarre that when someone is high as a kite the mind can give you answers to lifes little hurdles that you normally can't find when not stoned.

Whats the soultion you ask?

I am 26 and i think it's time to work on eatting healthy and working out a bit more but it's easyer said than done but i tell you i am ready and thats what came to me i am ready to fix my little life for the better.

Been talking to a few people online again one thing i wanted to stop casue it really is a little unsocial to real life something i will work on.

To Gamble or Not to Gamble

2005-05-13T23:44:00.000-07:00

I went to the casino today i've been at home for the last 4 days and i was going insane and thought i am not doing nothing again today my back has become ok again still got to take it easy though.

So as always i go to the casino with $100 i know i am going to eitehr win double or loose it. You know what i noticed about the casino or gambling in genral no one can really say that they win, yeah you may win big one time but in the long run you will always loose. Thing is i have won big in the past but it's very rare, yet i still go back like last time i went and lost dosn't count why is it that we all continue to go gambleing knowing full well your chances are not very good? Today i got upto $250 yet my mind was telling me don't walk away you will keep winning and yet in the end you walk out with nothing what is it in our brains that makes us stay or even go back is it a human weakness or is it a bordom killer.

I am not going to shout to the world that i am giving up gambling but fuck i wish it would just piss off.

Tori Amos

2005-05-12T18:43:00.000-07:00

Last night i went and witnessed Tori Amos with my bud Lucy i have always found Tori very interesting as an artist without really ever owning her albums (well i bought her Beekeeper album to get with the new songs) as i witnessed this amazing artist preform one thing struck me i like her yet don't and i have often herad this with alot of people.
So as she drew me into her world while she played at the art centre in Melbourne i found myself being captured by her spell.
I walked away not disappointed nor happy with what i had just witnessed she played songs i had never heard before and the only ones i ever knew where the ones of Beekeeper album and a cover song of Puff the magic dragenand a Crowded House song Don't Dream it's Over (which was amazing) Not one of the song i have on a home made best of was played not even CONFLAKE GIRL oh well it was still worth it.

I have a few days off right now due o a back injury so gots to keep my cool with that and i have to visit my flatmate who is in hospital right now with a calapsed lung poor bastard.
i a surprisingly feeling good about life at the moment due to just recently getting the flick with a guy and i am all about getting laid or one nighter or something.

First One

2005-05-11T20:30:00.000-07:00

Thought for the first entry into my first blog I should start from an ending. The ending being the guy I was dating just told me that he isn’t emotional ready for a relationship I am totally fine with this and I respect him for being honest instead of having the “what ifs” for a few more months and then break my heart.

Thing is I never really have had much luck with guys why I will never know I am not about to talk myself up but I am not your typical poof, not into the scene, not into gay music, not a bloody Queer Eye for the Str8 Guy either. What I am is normal I like pubs, rock concerts and alternative music but I am not sure if I am fit to be a gay man in the age of Queeny gay men. I try to be different from the scene, to stand out I guess I just can’t stand the queen guy and because 75% of gay men are it’s limiting me to find a guy to share my life with, so when I guy like the one I recently dated comes along you try your hardest to keep him but in the end I guess I might have come across as a little desperate a little to much wanting this to be the one I guess I scared him off. I am strong though and this will not stop me from finding the one.

So I am single again and on the prowl but not to fussed if I find the one anymore because I got some cool things in life that is happening. One of my fav bands Interpol have finally decided to tour again in Australia I missed out on them last time and swore I would never miss them next time their in town so I called up Mike and Darren (to best mates) and they are all for it. Their was a time in my life I would go to concerts alone I was never good with mates and concerts cause I was always getting pissed off if they weren’t getting into it as much as I the turning point came when I sore The Music with a few mates earlier this year it was one of the best concerts I have been to in years and the mates I went with went as nuts as I did. So I guess I am now more open to the idea of my friends tagging along and I think Interpol will be sweet.

Just watched Napoleon Dynamite WHAT THE FUCK! I mean it was a weird movie with no plot but at the end of it I thought I just witnessed one of Americas better films lets be realistic American films suck LOL.